To Thine Own Self Be True
"and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou cannot then be false to any man"
(Unless we can be true to ourselves first, we cannot be true to others.)
Those of us who gave our life to another at the cost of losing who we are in the process will have a hard time being true to ourselves. Allowing someone else to define who we are, we lose our ability to discover and grow inwardly. We are no longer able to discern truth from a lie. For many of us, we have accepted lies for so long, that finding out what is true takes time. Truth is really an action word. You cannot accept truth without change. Truth does set one free if we allow it to; it is a crucial part of healing. It gives us the freedom to be who we are. Truth gives strength; it naturally builds healthy boundaries. Truth is light and brings forth life. Truth is also love. The greatest act of love towards another is living a life that is truthful. If we walk in truth, we walk in perfect love, we do not walk in fear because perfect love casts out fear.
Chapter One~ Love Makes The World Go Round
Love certainly makes the world go round. I should know considering I have fallen into the classic "love junkie" category in my life time. As I write this I am currently on my third marriage, or second "official" marriage, as the first was common law.
Hubby number one, "Mr. Common-law" started it all. That relationship produced three of my four children and lasted about four years. I started off loving him but we were both very young when we met. I was impulsive and a thrill seeker and I met this big burly biker type at a house party that I crashed with two other girlfriends that had Harley's in the living room and testosterone in the air. He was a forceful, in control, dangerous type that excited me and swept me off my feet and made me want to shack up with him and have his babies while he took charge and kept me safe. But, we were young, irresponsible and un-educated in the ways of healthy living and relationships and as the parties blasted on, the responsibilities grew and the tempers flared, the drama escalated and became a seriously unhealthy place and the dreams of a happily ever after died and so did a piece of my spirit.
After hubby number one, came hubby number two. I met him on a blind date. He was very unique, and charming and attentive and he won my heart. I became pregnant with my fourth child rather quickly, and a year and a half later we tied the knot first in a hand fasting and then at a small Justice of The Peace ceremony in Northern Ontario. We started living the dream first in a cottage on the lake and then on a 1000 acre hobby farm near Algonquin Park, making art together, and selling it in a little shop of my own, running a recreational dog sled business, living off our land, and as much off grid as we could. People said we were really good together, well matched, a perfect couple. But, in a couple of years the dream started to fade away, and before we knew it, we couldn't even see what had brought us together in the first place. Lack of communication, boredom, infidelity, money problems tore us apart, but it wasn't the first time I had fallen in love, and had to climb out.
There were other infatuations and hot romances before, after, and in between those loves. My drag racing New York boy , My damaged hippie, My thought provoking British musician, My Tommy Lee look alike single dad, My cute Florida guy, and the fun Irish drunk. Any one of them could have been considered " the one" at that given time but the circumstances and timing wasn't right and we took separate paths for a variety of reasons.
In 2000, I took the first step in finding true love by deciding to forget about finding true love for awhile...
Yes, I have been loved in my life, sometimes well, and sometimes poorly. Wrong turns I had to take back in the early days, but it was the mistakes, broken hearts, and all those roads that has led me to where I am today. I am married again for the third time, married since 2005, together for 10 years now. I met him at a church picnic. We were friends first, and we had a good old fashioned courting! Dated in groups, no sex, got to know each other well. I had been single for six years, surviving the valleys and the peaks and a past that would have put Jerry Springer to shame, and I knew I had to take it slowly.
To be continued....